I refuse to refer to you as a sufferer, because that’s not what you are and that certainly isn’t what defines you. You deserve to be acknowledged for what you are, a survivor.
I know how you feel. Believe me, I do. I also know that everybody says “I know how you feel” But actually has no idea just how much pain you’re in. I know that when people tell you that everything will be OK, you just smile, nod and sigh a gentle “…yeah”, because your soul is too tired to explain just how far from OK everything will ever be. What’s the point anyway, right?
I know you want more for yourself. But you’ve been wanting “more” for so long that you no longer believe you deserve it, so you go about your life accepting the bare minimum from people because, well, this is as good as it probably gets and you’re too afraid to burn bridges in case you never get the chance to build new ones again.
I know you hate the deafening silence that you come home to. You could be in a home filled with people yet your ears ring from hearing absolutely nothing and the loneliness is unbearable. You’re an introverted extrovert and you can’t comprehend how you want new friends and experiences yet you hate people and can’t seem to find comfort outside of your bed. You don’t trust anybody so you refrain from socialising with new people, yet you’re subconsciously unhappy that you only have a handful of real friends, if that. Your phone could be off for hours yet there would still be no notifications once you turn it on. You feel defined by this and believe it must somehow be a negative reflection of your character and qualities.
I know your relationship is strained because you’re finding it difficult to express to your partner just how big of a mental and emotional battle you’re facing, for fear of seeming negative and pushing them away. Money struggles are the bane of your existence and the pressure to look a certain way is mounting upon you. Your acne is getting acne because your stress is stressing you out. Your loved ones have put you up on a pedestal and perceive you as someone happy. strong and invincible. But you’re not happy, you feel weak, defeated and as a result feel like a disappointment for not living up to the picture perfect image that they have painted out for you.
You’re perfectly content with going to sleep and never waking up again.
Well, you’re not alone. Everybody says this but you’re not, you’re one in a million but you’re one of a billion. Instead of playing sad songs in your headphones while you cry as you lay in bed, get up and set yourself a new goal to work towards. Do not stop distracting yourself with new targets until you triumph in the success of every single one of them. Stop allowing yourself to be defined by the unfortunate circumstances that surround you. You are worth the exact same as the person that you envy with the expensive car whilst you are sitting on the bus.
It’s so easy to become obsessed with looking happy and successful. But you’re depressing yourself trying to live up to everybody else’s standards rather than setting your own. Block them out. Build your own pedestal and understand that you are allowed to fall off of it sometimes.
Stop arguing with people and start responding by showing them how irrelevant they are to your success and peace of mind. Do not accept anything that does not contribute to your happiness, your peace or your future. It is so easy to turn a blind eye to toxic people because they are our best friend, partner or parent. No matter what anyone has done for you it does NOT give them a green pass to cause you any type of unhappiness. Be selfish with your aura and cut the cord with those who offend it. You would never digest something that will upset your stomach. So I have to ask you, why would you digest the negative energy of others which will inevitably upset your soul?
You are not defined by how many friends you have or how many messages you receive or even by how big or small your support system is. You will meet new people over time but take this time to work on yourself, otherwise you will never feel confident enough to feel comfortable outside of your bed and you’ll continue to isolate yourself. Your acne will fade, so stop fixating on it. Your stress will slowly disappear once you are able to accept that you are not alone and your situation is not a reflection of whom you are or whom you can be.
You are not defeated, weak or a disappointment. You are still here because you are a survivor of your own mental battles. By not giving up, you have already won. So start living, start dancing, appreciate the now and think about the future later. Take control and under no circumstances allow anything or anyone to control you. Stop hoping to never wake up and start hoping for more life. Allow yourself the time to cry and become comfortable feeling pain and sorrow. It’s important to embrace your sadness as much as you embrace your merriment, otherwise you will never be truly understand or appreciate what it is to be truly happy. Fall in love with the person you want to become and. Be selfish with your happiness and be absolutely unapologetic about it.
Nobody has the power to be anything like you, only yourself can be you. Use that to your advantage.